I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
