Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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