Swine flu. Run for my life!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
