I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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