Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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