My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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