Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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