i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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