honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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