lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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