Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
