There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
