I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
