He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
