Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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