We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
