Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
