i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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