remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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