he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
