My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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