he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
