Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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