I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
