i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
