Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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