why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
