giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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