I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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