I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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