Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
