Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
