I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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