he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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