Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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