It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My life is pants optional.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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