I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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