Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
