Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
