Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
