My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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