I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
