Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.