hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.