Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

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  (949): She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree. http://tfl.nu/gm08
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (475)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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  (205): Why does Corona taste like a burp? http://tfl.nu/2bn9
  Replies (39) Good night (633) Bad night (3638)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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  (509): I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me. http://tfl.nu/tzej
  Replies (9) Good night (5201) Bad night (581)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (79) Good night (2124) Bad night (11046)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (1057) Bad night (6773)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.

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  (401): Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you. http://tfl.nu/r8h0
  Replies (12) Good night (1153) Bad night (3507)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.

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  (630): whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch. http://tfl.nu/lo8i
  Replies (5) Good night (2302) Bad night (1194)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?

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  (860): Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night? http://tfl.nu/99ew
  Replies (4) Good night (663) Bad night (1366)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

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  (843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own. http://tfl.nu/b2cm
  Replies (1) Good night (2949) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese

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  (805): It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese http://tfl.nu/i0pz
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (1972)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.

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  (740): I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of. http://tfl.nu/s19w
  Replies (8) Good night (1347) Bad night (609)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.

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  (651): When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end. http://tfl.nu/o22d
  Replies (17) Good night (590) Bad night (2690)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (375)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!

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  (403): Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes! http://tfl.nu/9ss2
  Replies (5) Good night (1035) Bad night (312)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me

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  (781): No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me http://tfl.nu/fnga
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (231)

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