her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b