He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
