She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
