Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?