Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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  (509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work. http://tfl.nu/mmky
  Replies (11) Good night (2473) Bad night (737)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

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  (941): Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to http://tfl.nu/6uk1
  Replies (36) Good night (6427) Bad night (2229)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...

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  (765): looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present... http://tfl.nu/0z7b
  Replies (268) Good night (845) Bad night (6904)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

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  (312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her http://tfl.nu/ua6n
  Replies (13) Good night (797) Bad night (5658)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

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  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (31) Good night (13850) Bad night (1231)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.

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  (814): please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week. http://tfl.nu/2kmj
  Replies (7) Good night (3637) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (8189) Bad night (1068)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

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  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (1951) Bad night (650)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.

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  (316): Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick. http://tfl.nu/0lwp
  Replies (15) Good night (1542) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.

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  (714): It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you. http://tfl.nu/6jll
  Replies (11) Good night (1997) Bad night (668)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.

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  (503): We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty. http://tfl.nu/32wc
  Replies (9) Good night (760) Bad night (1490)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.

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  (614): Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle. http://tfl.nu/epty
  Replies (5) Good night (1642) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?

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  (850): Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp? http://tfl.nu/htfq
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (331)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.

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  (443): And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed. http://tfl.nu/9n1v
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.

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  (913): Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship. http://tfl.nu/0v8r
  Replies (3) Good night (213) Bad night (640)

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