Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.