i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting