Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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