Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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