so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
