very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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