Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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