His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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