Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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