two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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