I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
