Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
