My hand turned me down
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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