Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
