Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
