If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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