She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
