standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
