there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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