Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
