6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
