what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
