More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
