First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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