i don't like sucking hair
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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