Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
