i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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