I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
