READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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