my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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