I got chris browned last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
