She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
