yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
