I cannot find my penis.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
