I think I died a long time ago.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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