When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
